This is probably the most open category yet. I considered Los Campesinos!, Amanda Palmer’s Oasis, Richard Cheese, The Smiths*, Funky Dee**, Dre and a load of other hip-hop before settling on…
Ludacris – Cry Babies (Oh No)
Some sample lyrics (edited to fit the family-friendly remit):
“I got people scared as funk like when condoms break.”
“Todger to mouth recisitation/A tight squeeze but it stops the lengthy conversations.”
And my personal favourite:
“I’m Doctor Love, I close curtains and hug patients.”
It is, frankly, a ridiculous song. Ludicrous, if you will. This is a song which features a grown man making chicken noises to taunt his (imagined) opponent. It’s adolescent through and through (see: “Catch me in Rome, macking some broads and stickin’ ’em/And you’ll be at home picking yo’ boogers and flickin’ ’em” which elegantly sums up the whole song’s tone pretty well). I really should be looking down my nose at this…
But those lines, they get me every time.
“You frosted like a flake and Ludacris feels GRRRREAT!”
See, I don’t know that much about Christopher Brian ‘Ludacris’ Bridges, and I think that’s for the best. I’m not sure if, deep down, I want this to be a self-conscious slice of ironic genius or if I’d rather he was genuinely trying his hardest on lines like “Y’see I’m ambidextrious, I slap ass with both hands.”
And that’s always my problem, with hip-hop that makes me laugh. Should Dre’s Dee-Barnes-pushing record hurt my enjoyment of his more misogynist lyrics?
I don’t want to be the hipster scum sitting there ironically snickering. But I don’t exactly suppot ridiculous boasts of violence (“Bullseye, I stunt growth and stop lives.”) materialism (“My cars got big TVs and satellites”) and hyper-machismo (“I got big balls, I’mma sack king”), if they’re genuine***. And regardless of intent I know, somewhere, right now, there’s a boy listeing to this and nodding his head and thinking, yeah, that’s right, tell ’em.
Nevertheless, I know I have a tendency to get a bit moral and over-analytical with comedy – ask me about how The Office and Nathan Barley ruined my life sometime – and, frankly, Cry Babies strikes that perfect line between naff and brilliant that means that, either way, I’ll always find it funny. You can’t argue with a man who can smell puss from fifty yards.
*Who are funny, though I don’t think that’s at the expense of being sad. There are, as I understand it, three schools of thought on The Smiths: that they’re depressing, that they were just having a laugh (with overtones of irony to their melodrama) or that they’re one of the best bands of all time, which is to say both.
**You might disagree…But are you gonna bang doe?
***See my reaction to 50 Cent’s lyrics, for example.